alienwerecow

ok, so it's about time i updated this (i haven't since january!!!).  Lots of things have changed since my last rant.  Things seem to be getting better here in Bristol, although everything went a bit crap before i actually did anything about it.  I have new glasses, new hair and DO NOT NEED stupid male creature, especially as he doesn't want me.  Also recently found out that he started seeing someone else during the time that he was ignoring me after our sort-of date (although i think he was just being thoughtless and cowardly rather than deliberately mean).  

Anyway, have changed lots of things in an effort to sort myself out and attract better stupid male creatures (yeah, right).  Have seen the doctor several times and he gave me happy drugs, which are going to take ages to work, but will hopefully help.  Annoyingly, i is not allowed to consume alcoholicness while i is taking them which is NOT FAIR!!!  

Another annoying side effect is insomnia.  i have become NOCTURNAL!!!  I don't fall asleep until at least 4.30am (regardless of what time i go to bed) but then can sleep through until 4pm the next day (hehe).  Although the list of possible side effects seems to range from slight lack of concentration to excruciatingly painful death, so i seem to have got off quite lightly.

Exams are EVIL!!!  At least they are over now, but i think i have failed many of them.  I blame the doctor and his stupid drugs that made it difficult to sleep and concentrate during exams (halfway through writing an answer...ooh, look, pretty ceiling!!! ... oh, yeah, exam, concentrate...ooh, table!!!) At least the nice doctor has said he will write me an excuse note if i fail (Dear Head of Department, Abigail is not responsible for failing her exams as she is fucked up and on drugs.  Also, the ceiling was too interesting).  It also doesn't help that i revised the wrong thing for one of my exams.

Anyway, enough ranting and onto some (semi) happy things!!!  I have a summer job!!! I finally swallowed my pride and am going to work in a supermarket (i need the money!!! Prescription drugs are expensive, £7.10 per box!! hehe).  Also have a reason for staying in halls next year - I'm the new Amenities Officer on the JCR committee, and i have the bright pink JCR polo shirt to prove it!!  At least it gives me a legitimate reason for staying next year (being Queen of Toasters, Champion of Kettles and Distributor of Irons).

Anyway, enough waffle (i congratulate anyone who has actually read this far!!) Am going to the Goldney Ball tomorrow which means i will actually have to get up to do some grooming (lots of work required to make myself fit for the gorgeous dress i am planning to wear!) before hand.  Will also take the opportunity to get embarassing photos of jess in a dress (i love Facebook!!!!)

Once again I have exams coming up (i.e. tomorrow) but have still not mastered the art of revision.  I suppose if it were something more exciting it would be easy to revise, but i have trouble showing enthusiasm for rocks.  It seems like the more revision i do, the stupider i feel, cos i don't understand any of it (and i'm not exaggerating), so it has got to the point where i can't face any more revision despite the fact that i am going to have to sit through 90 minutes of exam tomorrow without having the slightest clue what is going on.  
This has also led me to think i may be doing the wrong course, because i hate geology and do not understand any of it (you would think there would be a little more palaeontology in the palaeontology degree course).  However, if i changed courses (or universities, cos i hate bristol), i don't know what else i could do (not that this would matter as my parents would kill me anyway for wasting tuition fees).  
I can't seem to talk to anyone about this (not that anyone really cares, plus everyone else is managing to revise), so the problem is just building up and i am getting more stressed, but i feel stupid trying to tell anyone because everyone else seems to be getting on fine, so there must be something wrong with me.  

i am at university!!!!!!!!!! it is not too bad, i am enjoying the lectures and the practical classes (so far we have spent hours examining rocks, using microscopes, stuffing goldfish into little jars, getting attacked by crayfish and scooping tadpoles out of pots with a bent teaspoon.  apparently this is all relevant).  anyway, i am having some difficulty understanding the geology half of my course (and showing enthusiasm for rocks on a friday afternoon when we have our practical).  

So the academic stuff is ok (challenging, but manageable), which is more than can be said for my social life (or lack thereof).  the people in my halls seem ok, but i don't relly know any of them and i haven't found anyone that i can really talk to (i haven't found anyone that i can do...other stuff...with either, but at the moment i just want a decent friend).  i haven't really got involved (being of low self esteem and slight paranoia), partly because everyone goes out during the week, and i don't cos i have lectures at 9am EVERY DAY! which means nobody goes out at weekends, and i stay in my room and don't see or speak to anyone for 48 hours, which is a bit crap.  also, i don't think anyone realises how much i need someone (i'm not sure how many of the people on my corridor are aware of my existence).

so university is not as good as i thought it would be (the social part) and some days i just want to go home (but not really, as it would not be the same, and my parents think i'm loving it).

Facebook is ironic, it says i have 70 "friends", but nobody was there for me when i really needed them.  sunday afternoons are hardest, cos i have spent the entire weekend alone, and my parents phone on sunday so i have to try and sound cheerful and not start crying.  

I miss people!!!!!!!!!!!

having spent the first half of the summer dreading results day, i am now dreading going to uni.  for some unknown reason i actually got AAB in my a levels which really doesn't fit with the amount of revision i did.  anyway, am now v nervous about going to bristol, and (strangely) really miss school.  everything is ending and i don't want to grow up and go out into the big wide world.  Having said that, at least in bristol there will be lots of cute boys (at least there were when we went to visit!) some of whom will (hopefully) be drunk enough to appreciate me.
YAY BRISTOL BOYS!!

it's that exciting time of year again where we get to spend weeks and weeks revising, losing sleep and worrying, all for the sake of three letters on a piece of paper.  Exams are really mean, but they will all be over soon (crapcrapcrap) and i will be FREE!!!!!  am having a little trouble with revision, but that could be because i am very easily distracted (pub? ok!).  am starting to seriously panic now (eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!) as first exam is next tuesday (6 hours in one day - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!)ah well, i have the prom to look forward to (ha ha ha)
i have had a slight wardrobe crisis due to lack of appropriate clothing (i.e. long dresses) and lack of money, so have had to borrow a dress (thank you emily!!!!!!).  i am not a dress person!!! last time i was seen in public in a dress (i.e. owen's 18th) i got a little(actualy quite a lot) drunk to compensate for feeling (and looking) stupid.  Fun.